You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
