True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
