Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize