I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
