it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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