Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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