The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
