i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
