I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
