have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
