i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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