in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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