3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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