you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
