Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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