I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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