He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
