yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
