I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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