Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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