i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
