My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize