i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
