I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
