dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
