If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
