Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
These tits shall not be calmed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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