Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize