period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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