mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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