i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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