you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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