I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
