could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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