Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
