Non-Jews are for practice
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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