I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
