I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
