drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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