he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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