Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
