I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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