this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
