The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We need a shit load of segways right now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
