if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's blow job season.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
