If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
