All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
