Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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