11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
