Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
