Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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