The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
