drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
