Don't you send me to vm
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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