If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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