Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
