I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
