here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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