She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize