how can u be prego again
two words: eviction party
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
a search helicopter?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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