he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
