The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you would pick up someone in the library
This house was built for laser tag.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
