yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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