Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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