i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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