Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
