let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
