You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
