I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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