i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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