Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
