just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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