He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
